Feb 10 2016 San Diego ~ START BROTHS

Feb 10 2016 San Diego

Today was another brilliant day.

Winter they said, bring warm clothes they told us, well I'll take this winter any time.
Today reached 40 degrees C.
Forgot to mention, Yesterday we met some nice British guys who were in town for a gold seminar which neither played which we found quite amusing. We had good laughs with them. I miss travelling for that reason. Meeting cool people from places far away, makes me happy.
We also met a gal at out hotel last night, Buena Aires Argentina, who gave us great tips for the zoo that we will use today. Will check back later. My broth is made, water in pack, and ready for the day ahead.

Gonna start by telling the naked truth...today sucked. I mean really sucked, and I am so hungry. I started out well, my sugars were lower than I like them, however I took my meds as per usual which made me feel a bit shaky, dizzy, and light headed, all of which I knew, only before I would make sure to eat, and it would usually balance itself out. However no food was an extreme challenge for me. All I was thinking about was not eating, or smelling every food vender we walked past, and just really feeling myself saying I couldn't do this in my head. Second guessing myself, and almost panicking that I was starving... which is just mentally draining. I had to have several talks with myself, reminding myself what I was here for, how the next year of my life would be, and that no food is worth me dying or getting sick for. Its hard mentally. Esp. at a place that is a tourist attraction, there are hot dogs, and pizza smells, cotton candy, and drinks, burgers, and pretzels...everything you can not eat. Its like a food war zone, and I fixated on it.

So we left the hotel at 8:30am this morning and headed right for the Famous San Diego Zoo, which was brilliant. It was so much fun, and really impressive. Even better than I could have imagined. The exhibits were really thought out, and although a zoo, the animals were taken care of, and the spaces for them to roam were quite thought out. Nothing seemed 'caged' as I sometimes have issues with that. There staff was very knowledgeable, and the volunteers were everywhere sharing facts, and information. I really enjoyed the Panda's, Orangutans, and the Turtles. We were there and walked for approx. 4hrs. We did stop for Chris to get some lunch as I sipped on my broth, dreaming of it being a margarita.

We then headed over to the Balboa Park area where there are several museums. We went to the Natural History, Science, and Museum of man which were all really interesting, but we were so tired. I really enjoyed a 3D film we watched on whales which was amazing.

I spend a lot of time worrying that I'm not doing this right, and I overthink everything. When should I be eating 'drinking', how much, will it all be out of my belly on time, will I succeed at this, how can I do this. The hardest part of this whole thing is changing your mindset. Its not easy, and its not painless. I have been a fat person with a fat mind for a long time. To shut that off is hard and will take time. I know I am ready for this challenge, I know I am able to do it, I can rationalize the way I should be, but your mind mentally blocks you from these thought processes all the time. Knowing the mental part is the hardest, I really try to stay focused on eating what my body needs, not what it craves or wants. Food is suppose to sustain life, not end it. I think of animals and how they haven't evolved into making fast food, or chemical foods, and I am an animal. I need food to sustain life, and have to change that way of thinking. Food for me can no longer be a pleasure, or  what I want.

I know I have said before how grateful I am for the people in my life, and I am. My friends and family have come through 100% for me, and I am extremely lucky to have their love and support. But Chris has been a dream come true. I never in a million years thought he would know how to support me, or know what was right for me, and unknowingly be insensitive to my emotions. But this couldn't be further from the truth. He has been my rock, and I know how hard it must be for him. He is now segregated to eating outside so I don't smell the food, and has been drinking protein shakes with me along the way, and reminds me constantly to have water etc. I couldn't have asked for a better husband, and life partner than him, and I am so grateful he is here with me. He really does calm me, and look out for me.

I will be making it a very early night. I think if I sleep it wont feel so bad. Maybe I'll dream of a healthier me, instead of carbs.
Tomorrow is a big day....Heading to Mexico.


Stay Tuned
Nat ~Body under Construction