So, I thought I would not write today, but I was also hoping I would sleep in a lot more than I did. I try to get a lot of my writing done while Chris is still asleep. I had an uncomfortable sleep last night, as I think I over did my adventures yesterday and paid for it during my resting stage. Lesson learned. I'm so bad for that, thinking I can do it all still, not good at the patience thing. I know my body still needs a lot of healing and I cant be fooled by moments of feeling okay. Those moments are sneaky...causing me to forget I cant lift a suitcase....dumb ass I am.
You know, September 2014 when I passed out at work, and got diagnosed with Type 2 Diabetes, I was scared, really scared. I saw my life path as a person dependant on medications to survive, and the more I learned, the more fearful of what can develop because of diabetes. It consumed a lot of my time, over thinking every scenario about what god awful things could happen to me, and how best to prepare myself for when they do. When would I need glasses for sight loss, when will I lose a limp due to the loss of blood flow, when will I have to go on dialysis for kidney failure, and wondering just how much shorter my life span would now be. Its a horrible way to think of live knowing you have something that is debilitating, and will change your whole life.
I am a pretty optimistic person, and I care about people in my life deeply, but I really started to have self doubts about me, about this weight that I was carrying around and although tried to always have a smile on I was falling apart in my head. I was so caught up In the fact that I just began an amazing journey with the man I am suppose to spend my life with and it could be all taken away. I began to get quite depressed and
worried that life isn't working out like I wanted or dreamed it would. Don't get me wrong, I am still a very happy, grateful, amazingly optimistic person, and didn't allow myself to be consumed by dread. I was very aware of how these feeling were creeping in and made myself spend time with friends, and loved ones, kept coffee dates, lunch dates with people in my life as I knew I needed that. I know that I am very lucky to have people in my life that love me unconditionally and it would be a dis-service to me and them not to make myself go out and enjoy those special moments we get to spend together. These moments have really gotten me through the last year, and I am really truly grateful for the people I have surrounded myself with. I don't think of the people close to me a good friends, but as family.
Years of waiting in Canada for this surgery has been daunting, and I kinda got pissed off at the Canadian medical system for making me wait once I was diagnosed. I thought, you know If they had figured a way to have people on shorter waiting lists I never would have been a diabetic, I could have been doing all the things in life I wanted to do years ago, but n the flip side I am realistic and hold myself accountable for that as well. I could of done better, more and gave more to changing what I could to make some of this happen for myself. The other day when Doctor. Zavalza told me that I don't need to take my diabetic meds anymore, and just need to go for a blood test when home to see where I am at, I felt like crying. A weight lifted off my shoulders, all those fears diminished, and I felt a happy glow inside myself that I had not had in so long. Maybe my fate isn't set in stone, maybe those conditions that come along with Diabetes can be wiped off my slate. I'm realistic and know I may still have some work ahead of me to get to this place. I may have to still take a lesser form of my meds, or still have Type 2 of a lesser form, however I am optimistic that I can beat this now, and change the course of my life, and that my friends is pretty remarkable!
Today was another fabulous day. Went back to the hospital to say hi to a few patients, the nurses and staff. Ran into Dr. Z who spent some time chit chatting with us, and then drove us back towards our hotel and dropped us off at a plaza near here. I just love that guy. Always so positive, and so devoted to his patients, and is just a decent human being. Gonna miss him and his wonderful hugs.
Tomorrow we head back to San Diego before a flight early in the morning.
Sweet Dreams my friends xox
Say Tuned~ Nat
Body Under Construction
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