This week summed up into two words would be HEAD HUNGER.
Monday:
We all went for a family walk which was really nice. Since my accident I couldn't take my dog on my own as I am sore and cant hold the leash, however it was awesome having Chris come and my puppy coming as well. This whole getting healthy is so good for us all, and I cant wait for more out door activities to come. Yes sore now from the accident however, in time that too will pass and I will be able to do more. Cant wait.
*I have quite a rash from the surgery tapes, and I am finding a combination of coconut oils, and vitamin E cream seem to be helping. The itching is from the wounds getting better. They look pretty good at this point. I am quite happy with how I am feeling, and am slowly learning how to eat (drink) and how much my new sleeve can handle. I still get the pain when the food hits my belly, but have managed to start being able to tell when my sleeve is full. I have to concentrate a lot while drinking. If distracted at all, I drink to much, and it hurts a lot.
Tuesday:
I find now that I am getting some sleep, I wake up suddenly with pain. I'm not sore and haven't been for days from the surgery, however two times now I have woken up with a pain, but I think it is just the incision and perhaps me stretching in while I fall into deeper sleep patterns. It lasts a few seconds, I readjust and I am good again.
I have been putting vitamin E on the wounds, and it has all cleared up quite nicely. We got some rubbing alcohol to finally get all the bandage and tape residue off which is awesome.
Losing weight: I am losing weight at a rapid speed, and wish it were always this easy, But know that when I start Pureed this will slow down so enjoying each pound I see fall from the scale at this point. I know people are starting to see a difference yet I can not as of yet which is frustrating, but I do see my clothes starting to be to big in some areas and that is pretty cool. It too will come!
Today we went for a great walk to Cowichan River Provincial Park, where my mom came this time which was quite nice. I am so happy that we are all doing this, we are all in this, and all a part of the change. All supportive not only in words but actions. I am so loved, and I feel it.
Wednesday
So today I woke up stiff and sore from accident, but as far as my belly goes, I am feeling fine. I struggle daily with wanting to eat, I gotta stop saying hungry as that isn't possible anymore, but I want food. I am surrounded. Its on TV, in my fridge, at restaurants, gat stations, at store I go into. And why is it that all the bad for you foods are everywhere.
Pizza, bread, carbs, carbs, carbs....seriously I gotta stop going to the bakery....no joking. Chris asked me why I'm into making out so much right now. He is on a need to know bases, however I wanna make out with him after he eats so I can taste the food residue on his lips. YUM. Sneak eats without the calories....and Chris is happy. win win.
Today was nice as I drove for the first time, and that felt good. I felt good doing a real activity. I went shopping alone to look for a new Carpet. It was cool just getting out.
*Here are a few BiG Moments this week:
~I got in the car and this is the first time my belly didn't rest on the steering wheel.
~I walked out into the living room with my PJs on and the pants fell to the floor.
~I pulled out some old jeans I have that I couldn't fit into for 3 years, and not only did they fit, but were too big.
~I wore a shirt that didn't fit me a year ago.
~Tried on my Wedding Dress from last April....no chance. didn't even have to unzip to get into it.
~Have NOT taken my diabetic meds since surgery and my sugars have been perfect each day. AMAZING!
I was really tired today, and with all the running around didn't get close to my quota of food intake. Went for a bowl of soup with a friend today. So important to get out and meet up with friends. Its not good to stay inside. You must get out and put yourself into environments that are challenging. I WLS told me she is scared to go out and be surrounded by food, but for me I have to put myself into those situations so I make better choices, and doing it with friends helps. I went for soup with friend, and the soup arrived with garlic bread. As soon as it hit the table I asked her to grab it off plate and move it far far away. Seems dramatic yes, but I have to make those choices, and for me right now that food was crack. I couldn't even touch it. It was like asking a heron addict to hold a needle fill with their drug of choice. She grabbed it right away, and I could breath again.
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Thursday:
*Pre-Oppers:
Here are some great WLS utube videos to follow. Very inspiring and helpful, with a splash of laugh. They are raw, real and so good if you want more information.
~Awernersbach
~drea vsg
~Laurenlosing
~ClusieL
~fly girl fitness vsg
~Mellie May
NOTE TO SELF:
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Friday:
So Yesterday was my first Counselling appointment, and phone call appointment with a dietician who specializes with WLS patients. Is this a 'must do' thing. No, But for me when I set out on this journey, I committed myself 100%. In all that I am and all that I have, I want to make sure this is successful, that I look after not only the physical aspects of weight loss but the emotional/mental aspects as well. Am I perfect...absolutely...lol, never! I find I am a very self aware person, I know my faults, I know my weaknesses, and I know when something is more than I alone could control, which as you know is hard for me. I hate looking weak, asking for help, and my pride rarely lets me accept others help. AGAIN, I am aware of this, so stepping so far out of my comfort zone is key to succeeding at this whole process. This is one thing in my life I will make sure I succeed at.
I knew before I had the surgery that I was going to get the help all around I needed. I set out at the beginning of this process with lists and list (sure you know that about me) of pros and cons, and so many of the cons came with how I would be 2 months out, 6 months out or when I was gonna be able to eat again. My concerns were not of weight gain per say but how I would feel at stalls, gains, or no movements. Its great for someone to say, there will be stalls, weeks of no weight loss, there may be gains, and its just your body adjusting, BUT the reality is mentally I know this will happen, however in those moments I know I will take it hard and not know how to cope.
I also know about myself that I self sabotage myself when things are going good. The moment someone says you look good, or I can see the weight loss, or anything positive, I run and grab a cheese burger. I am a pretty outgoing person, a confident person, but I also am a very 'behind the scenes' person. As outgoing as I am, I am very shy, and quite reserved in my life. I am a home body, and if I cant be in control of situations I usually avoid them. Meaning, If in the summer, I get invited to a friends BBQ, I will come up with an excuse not to go. What goes through my head isn't how much fun I would have with friends, but its boiling out and I will sweat like a pig, I cant be seen in shorts, I don't want people to be starting at me, I gotta cover up. It was so bad I would become paralyzed by anxiety, and come up with a lie to get out of it. Well you do that enough times and people stop asking you out, and that hurts, and then comes the food to comfort you...a horrible cycle.
Part of this journey for me is to get out with friends, to make dates and keep them, to make friends aware that I need this right now. To show people I am committed to the whole deal, and honor them by showing up. It isn't about them judging me, and it is almost offensive that I would ever of thought that, but I couldn't see past my own thought processes at the time. I'm 100% positive if I had opened a conversation with any of my friends asking if my weight was a problem in our relationship, they wold have said no, but for me I couldn't see past my image issues.
Getting back to my first counselling appointment. I had seen Bill before for another issue, and felt comfortable with him, as he really makes me think outside the box. He doesn't concentrate on 'how does it make you feel", however takes your concerns, and really gives you the tools you need to change your thought processes, and make a plan for when these situations comes up. It was our first meeting so we discussed the surgery, why I chose to do this, and what I want my outcome to be. It is good to speak to someone who puts things in perspective, that offers other ways to look at a situation, and comforts your thoughts and opinions as just that...thoughts and opinions not letting them define you.
I am sure you will hear much more about this as I go.
Saturday:
This week has been a series of firsts for me. Lasting this long on liquids alone has been surreal. A month ago, two months ago, and six months ago, all I was thinking is how on earth will I survive this liquid stage. Who in their right mind would agree with this. I had several sleepless nights, moments shaded with anxiety, and a whole bunch of fear driven self doubt moments. Well here I am, about to wrap up this stage of my diet (in 2 days), and I survived....I mean I really did. Was it the hardest thing I have ever done....absolutely, the amount of will power it has taken me, surpasses even my darkest moments in life.
I am proud of myself, I am confident now that I could do anything. I put myself in situations to test my own strength and made it. Were there times of doubts...YES, did I eat a few slow bites of Peanut Butter....YES, BUT 99% of the time it was full liquids, and I stayed at approx. 300 Calories the entire time. Most days not even able to do that. This drinking 2lts of liquid a day though, gotta say, I never once made it close to that goal. Thank goodness I never got dehydrated, but let me tell you it was hard.
The average person doesn't realize what not eating does to you, to your body, to you world. Going out for my walk each day is hard to do, its hard to get my ass up and move. I am exhausted, with lack of energy from not eating, my body is essentially shutting down. Literally starving to death. Ive gone and done the research, looked at how long a person can live like this, and its some scary facts. I'm grateful this is set up in a way that we get the basic needs to sustain life (Protein, Vitamins, and water).
Each day all I wanna do is sleep, but I pick myself up, go for that walk, and try to live a semi productive life within the means I can right now. I am so happy with the weight loss thus far, but dread the next stage as its a known fact with WLS patients that your first stall comes at week 3 when you start purees. This can last 1-3 weeks, so I have to mentally prepare myself for this. Its a hard thing to do when you have such a yearning for that scale to move. I mean, I'm not eating, so its hard to understand why its frozen, BUT I know its normal. I will take my Measurements on the 1st of march and then keep track as you will loose inches during this next stage opposed to lbs.
Anyways enough rambling for now. S
Catch you up next week....Fingies crossed that I will be mentally okay.
Pop up and say Hi this next week.
I have a feeling I will need support and love!
Stay Tuned~ Nat
Body/Mind Under Construction
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